Oops, I did it again!

I knew it, I knew it, I just KNEW it!!! Damn it all to Hell -- why can't I ever maintain momentum for any length of time? I am wife, mother, lover, referee, entertainment coordinator, artist, chauffeur, laundress, cook, housekeeper, nanny, teacher, banker, friend, confidante, professional shopper, budget planner, retirement planner, administrator, attorney, judge, and jury -- all rolled into one BIG fat package.

I know that sounds like a lot of jobs, but this list is by no means exhaustive! (Though exhausting, maybe!) It might seem impossible, but I am quite proficient at ALL of the above. What I am not proficient at is: successful dieter, exerciser, fitness aficionado. And this is my undoing. How is it possible to be so successful in every area of one's life, and have one single area just kill the rest?

Sure enough, I've been on a post trick-or-treat candy binge. It's also "that time" of the month again! It feels like some alien being invades my body. Really!! It's like "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" -- with the alien's quest being the ingestion of every single carbohydrate on the planet!!! I've just gotta get back on the wagon, and subjugate this beast before I come undone.

Please tell me how you find the motivation to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again!

High Anxiety

Well, I'm down ten pounds! Amazing to me that I've not totally binged in over three weeks!! I have a "girlie" doctor appointment tomorrow, and regardless of the small loss, I'm a complete wreck about having to get on the scale. I will probably eat nothing the entire day, and wish I could strip down completely before the fateful weigh-in. Why must that stupid scale cause so much anxiety? Truly, what business is it of theirs what I weigh? Any who died and left them God over my weight?

Don't lecture me -- has it not occurred to you that I already KNOW that I am fat? Has it not occurred to you that the reason I am six months over-due for my annual exam is that I hate, hate, HATE your freaking scale??? I am not a stupid person, nor am I a child. If you truly wanted to help, you would keep your trap shut! And further, the anxiety of the paper gown alone is enough to send my blood pressure into the stratosphere (not to mention the freaking scale again!)

I pray I can get through this with a modicum of mortification, and that it doesn't send me off the deep end into a self-loathing binge. HELP!

Sometimes illness has its reward!

I've been ill for the past three weeks. Not falling down sick, mind you, but sick enough to send me to bed exhausted every night for the past two weeks. My classroom has had a lot of illness since school started at the end of August. I like to call my students "my little petri dishes" because they keep brewing up new and more virulent forms of illness with which to infect me. My throat has been sore for 19 days -- scratchy and raw. Not strep. Not needing an antibiotic. But dry and sore.

Today is the first day I have felt like my old self. I think it must have something to do with having four consecutive days away from school. I have gotten some quality rest, and feel like I am on the road to recovery. I hope this past month does not portend illness for the rest of the school year.

The kids have come down with this cold, too. I am actually grateful they got it now, while we're off for the Columbus Day holiday. Sucks for them, but at least they are not missing any school, and neither am I.

The one upside to this round of illness has been my complete lack of appetite. REALLY weird for me. I have been known to be hungry while suffering from intestinal flu, for crying out loud! I have actually lost about 6 pounds, and it feels absolutely wonderful. I hope I can resist the urge to binge once the illness has passed completely. This is the first time in about five years that I have any urge to try to lose weight. It is a good feeling. I'm making plans. We've been eating more healthfully. I have been praying about this and it feels like some sort of break-through.