Bad Karma

I feel like, at some point in my life, I must have done something to piss off the gods terribly. You know how some people can fall into a pile of dog poop and come out smelling like a rose? Well, that's NOT me!!! It seems like every time I resolve to begin an exercise program, or to start eating more healthfully, ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE!!! Right after Ash Wednesday, my whole family came down with the lovely vomiting and diarrhea illness that has been making the rounds. Not all at the same time, mind you. But sequentially, one after the other of us fell to the virus. Nice that we weren't bowing to the porcelain god all at the same time. BUT, this little siege stretched out over the course of more than a week! (Leaving me exhausted and literally drained!)

Flash forward one week, and we have ice and snow and a total mess outside. So, I'm out schlepping snow off the sidewalks, driveway, stairs, cars, etc. etc......Next day, feel like a truck ran over me.

Flash forward to this weekend, again snow, ice, mess, mess, mess. Shovel, shovel, shovel, cuss, cuss, cuss. Not as sore this time. BUT, number one child has come down with a HORRIBLE cold. Sounds like pneumonia may be settling in her chest. Number two child is developing a runny nose and sore throat. AND, for the sixth time this school year -- ta da! -- I have another bleeping COLD! Been taking Zycam and Airborne like they are candy, trying to at least limit the damage this puppy will do to me. I don't feel horrible, but I don't feel well, either.

My point??? Every freaking time I resolve to exercise, something happens that leaves me feeling like ruddy Hell, to the point that I can't even entertain the thought of vigorous movement. What gives??? I feel like just giving up, and saying "Okay, body, you win! I will never purposely move you again!" How's that for defeatist attitude?

What do you guys do when the whole world seems to conspire against you to keep you from exercising and eating right?

How's that workin' for ya?

So.....we're a week into the Lenten season, and where am I? Bloated, binging, disgusted with myself -- that's where!!! I loved a recent post on Dear Ethel that dealt with "eating less". Less what? Everything! Ahhh.....there's the rub. For those of us who can never get enough -- "less" almost seems like a joke concept. Truly, even 10% "less" on a 4,000 calorie-a-day diet will still cause weight gain! So, in the interest of examining the concept of "eat less", I have to examine what that would mean to me.

I have this "all or nothing at all" attitude, which I've been told is perfectionism, pure and simple. True. I have extremely high expectations of both myself and others. Really, in every area of my life, I demand perfection (or as close a facsimile as possible). Therein lies the rub! Because I'm fat. And my eating is out of control.

There is a definite disconnect somewhere between my brain and my body (stomach). I KNOW all of the right things to eat. I KNOW all of the calories in-calories out calculations of successful dieting. I KNOW all of the health related benefits to losing weight. So WHY am I so resistant to doing what I already KNOW I need to do?

Maybe eighty pounds just sounds too daunting. Maybe because I've never been able to sustain a loss for any length of time, I've just become apathetic. Maybe because of past failures, and knowing what a Herculean effort it takes to lose, I'm just not up for yet another failure. And yet.......I still have that glimmer somewhere in the back of my consciousness that thinks that I COULD do it if I tried. Because I have been successful at so many other things......why not this?

If I could just let go of this horrible perfectionism. I've done it in other areas of my life! Why not here? Maybe just 10 pounds could spark the flame to get rolling again. Perhaps I shall try....

So, so sad.......

I am so, so sad this night. A dear friend of mine was hospitalized yesterday. His behavior had become increasingly bizarre and disturbing. Outrageous mood swings and wild talk and behavior. Those close to him felt he was going mad. But what to do? Was he a danger to himself? To others? What a hard call to make! His brother finally intervened and had him checked out. The counselor immediately sent him to the hospital for tests......he has a brain tumor!!! Sweet Jesus -- please be with him. Please forgive me for thinking him mad. Pray for my friend.

Fat Tuesday!!!

So, here it is -- Shrove Tuesday again. Have eaten two huge fasnachts today. They are sitting like lead in my belly now. But tomorrow is Ash Wednesday. Can't remember the last time Lent fell this early in the year! I would like to spend this Lenten season trying to get a handle on my eating.



The last time I had any success losing weight, it started during the Lenten Fast. During that initial forty days, I only ate one time per day, at the evening meal. (Kinda like Ramadan, I think.) I also abstained from sugar and any products that contained it. That was one tough forty days, but very rewarding in more ways than one.



First, I was controlling my intake quite handily. It's pretty hard to over-eat when you only eat one time per day. Second, it helped to shrink my stomach. And third, it forced me to find things other than food to occupy my time, so I found that my spiritual life got a nice boost.



Let's see what happens this year......I think I'll try to keep track of what happens here!