So.....we're a week into the Lenten season, and where am I? Bloated, binging, disgusted with myself -- that's where!!! I loved a recent post on Dear Ethel that dealt with "eating less". Less what? Everything! Ahhh.....there's the rub. For those of us who can never get enough -- "less" almost seems like a joke concept. Truly, even 10% "less" on a 4,000 calorie-a-day diet will still cause weight gain! So, in the interest of examining the concept of "eat less", I have to examine what that would mean to me.
I have this "all or nothing at all" attitude, which I've been told is perfectionism, pure and simple. True. I have extremely high expectations of both myself and others. Really, in every area of my life, I demand perfection (or as close a facsimile as possible). Therein lies the rub! Because I'm fat. And my eating is out of control.
There is a definite disconnect somewhere between my brain and my body (stomach). I KNOW all of the right things to eat. I KNOW all of the calories in-calories out calculations of successful dieting. I KNOW all of the health related benefits to losing weight. So WHY am I so resistant to doing what I already KNOW I need to do?
Maybe eighty pounds just sounds too daunting. Maybe because I've never been able to sustain a loss for any length of time, I've just become apathetic. Maybe because of past failures, and knowing what a Herculean effort it takes to lose, I'm just not up for yet another failure. And yet.......I still have that glimmer somewhere in the back of my consciousness that thinks that I COULD do it if I tried. Because I have been successful at so many other things......why not this?
If I could just let go of this horrible perfectionism. I've done it in other areas of my life! Why not here? Maybe just 10 pounds could spark the flame to get rolling again. Perhaps I shall try....
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3 comments:
I keep trying to post a comment and can't seem to get it done.
Yes ten pounds would get the pounds rolling. At least that is what I am counting on.
Losing eighty pounds is very doable. Just not immediate. Keeping it off, now there is the rub. Good fortune in the first ten.
Hi Nory Roth... thanks for your comment! 80 pounds takes a long time. I lost thirty in about 5 months last year, and then it just... stopped.Actually, it didn't stop, but I stopped paying attention to what I ate! I'm still losing really really slowly by running and exercising (like 1/2 pound a month slowly) but it's something. You've probably heard this before, but try breaking your goal up into smaller increments, like starting off with... oh, wait... ten pounds you say? Ok, good luck w/those ten!
Nory, this is such an amazing posting. It an almost an exact discription of my own dilemma. We share some very specific details here.
Thanks so much for your lovely comments on my first ever postings. All of what you said is totally on the mark.
Wishing you a reprieve, a sliver of light in darkness, something to inspire and motivate, a magic moment.
ar
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